Growing up in a highly sanitised urban country like Singapore, I was pretty much bubbled from the world for the majority of my early years.
I recall my initial experience encountering stark differences among life’s elements when I travelled to Bangladesh at the age of 11. This trip was part of a visit to my dad, who was then working at the Singapore consulate in the country. I saw a condominium with a blue crystal swimming pool at its penthouse. Right beside the building was a slum with a pool of muddy water that the people bath, cook and live by. I was astonished at the level of poverty and disregard for another human life. I grew up in Singapore being taught all these values and morality about equality, meritocracy and treating others well…. yet there in that very moment, all that I was educated about was torn apart.
I think it was this very moment that I started to doubt the things I was taught by society.
After coming back to Singapore, I had a small streak of rebellion against the authority and system that I had wholeheartedly trusted. I spoke up against my teacher in class when I felt she reprimanded the class unjustly. I don’t know what got into me at that time. I was told to stand outside the class, but instead, I went to the staff room to complain to another teacher. That was the first time I did not heed the instruction of authority consciously. It was scary and liberating at the same time.
However living in a well-conditioned country like Singapore without external exposure, does quite a good job at hypnotising us back into the same efficient compliant individual I was. Heading into secondary school, I was back in the grind, though with a bit more teenage rebellion.
At 15 years old, on one fateful night, I watched the movie ‘Black Hawk Down’ on cable TV channel AXN. I still vividly remember scenes of children and youth carrying guns, fighting against the military. I was mind blown. I knew there was war and poverty, but at that time, I never realised that young children and teenagers were being shot at and participating in a war. I asked myself at that time, “Why am I here studying and playing sports when another individual of the same age as me is fighting war with guns elsewhere? What is wrong with this world? And everyone is ok with that? This is sick. This society is sick.”
And that… marked the start of a decade-long spiral into a dark dark time of my life. My grades started sliding exponentially; I went from the top of the class to failing my tests, then failing major exams, and ultimately failing in life; becoming a very toxic individual for my friends and family. On the surface, I still function and try to keep up with the expectation of a young adult during those times. But deep inside those scenes of pain and injustice battered me hard. I couldn’t make sense of the pain, I questioned and reflected so hard I sank into many depressive and mad streaks of frustration.
I must say though, when I started working with children, some of that toxicity and darkness lifted me off a fair bit. Children show me how to be human all the time. They express themselves openly and authentically almost every time. I began teaching in enrichment programs at 17 years old, and have remained in the field of education and children from then until now.
In my early twenties working in preschool and afterschool settings as a sports coach, I began to see many children who couldn’t quite “fit” in with our education system. Even an element as dynamic as sports couldn’t fill those gaps. Many of my children with special needs really struggled. And I felt that the system at that time didn’t really care and didn’t know how to. I was befuddled. Years of structured education and research, and no one understands or attempts to address this phenomenon? It really struck me at that time, and the dark spiral started to happen at a higher frequency for me. I started to turn to alcohol and cigarettes to try to assuage the pain.
I really wanted a way out of all this pain and just shut my awareness and reflection. It seems to only bring more pain than clarity. And yes, suicide came to me very often at that time.
Then, by the magic of the universe, I met my mentor/sensei Atsuko Yamamoto. She was a mother to one of the children I was coaching at the preschool. We became friends quickly as we shared some similarities in our view of education. At that time she introduced me to the concept of Forest Kindergarten, which her children lived through when they were living in Japan. I was swoon over by the child-led and nature-centric approach that they had. It felt like a light of hope to me at that time. (Full story of my initial journey into it on the link)
I embarked on the Forest Pedagogy journey with hopes and dreams for children and people initially. However, the deeper I delved into the practice, I realised it was actually for myself too.
Forest School was a space where I found acceptance and clarity for myself. The authentic, sincere and truly open-minded practices that ties so closely with how/who Nature is reflects so powerfully on myself and others. People can be themselves in a Forest School session, and allow Nature to guide us.
The idea that we allow fights in forest school bewilders most compliant training educators (even myself) even though what goes on in the practice of holding space for such high energy tension is actually very powerful for the practitioners and participants alike.
Such moments really highlight the open-minded and deep understanding that Forest Pedagogy embodies when practised with such honesty.
To me, Forest Pedagogy (or School), however you call it, represents Nature to me. It represents who we are deep inside. Our true self and sense, unembarrassed and unapologetic, because that is Nature.
Through my own FS practices, challenges and experiences I grew to learn so much on how to listen to the wind, the trees and therefore the people, the children and community as well. I also grew to learn to accept and hear myself openly with more love than judgement.
Forest Pedagogy became my salvation and in a way my channel for understanding myself and the world around me, for it allowed me to connect with Nature.
Written by: Darren Quek
Editted by: Zoe Xu
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